The Beginning of What Is Next

Tomorrow is my last Sunday as a pastor.  I was licensed to ministry when I was 19 years old.  I have been an ordained minister for the last 37 years.  For my entire adult life,  the church has defined my life and the life of my family. Every Sunday morning I awoke to the sound of the alarm.  I have listened to people joke about what a great job I have since I only work on Sundays.  I have not been invited to parties where the hosts worry that my presence will make their guests feel uncomfortable.  I can't tell you how many times in my life I have been in a gathering of people and when someone said "shit" every head turned towards me and the person who uttered the word looked shame-faced and said, "Sorry, Reverend."

I know I sound like I'm complaining.  I'm not.  I'm reflecting on what I won't miss about pastoral ministry and the inevitable role and expectation with which you are saddled.  There are so many more blessed and wonderful things I will miss or I wouldn't have spent the last 37 years being a minister.  Pastors get to witness the most authentic moments of peoples' lives.  Some days I just had to lift up a prayer of gratitude: "Thank you God for letting me witness this moment."  I had the best seat in the sanctuary.  I got to see everyone's faces except the choir members and I was enveloped in the beautiful music they made together.  It floated down over the choir loft and filled my soul.  I got to hear people's truths and help them think about important, life-changing decisions they were facing.  I was asked to inspire and create....dream and envision.....comfort and challenge. I was asked to bless love, dedicate children and celebrate the lives of deceased saints.  It was a great gig and one I deeply loved!

But I am ready to fully lean into retirement.  I know it will be a huge transition.  It isn't just figuring out where I will live and if I will have enough to live on.  Retirement is letting go and then figuring out what is next.  For months and months, I have been working with a therapist and a spiritual director about this transition.  But I don't really think you can really prepare for retirement before you do it.  The truth is I have absolutely no idea what it will feel like to be retired.  I didn't know what parenthood really was until I was a parent (and even then I didn't always understand what I was supposed to be doing as a parent).  I didn't know what being a pastor entailed until I was a pastor.  

But here I go.  I am ready to not set an alarm.  I want to ride my e-bike; ponder what I will make for dinner; write stories that are not work product; learn to edit my podcast; sort through my photos, travel without hurrying; truly be present to and with my family on Easter and Christmas; and be surprised by new possibilities and adventures.